Showing posts with label sad. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sad. Show all posts

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

You Don't Have to Read This

Just wanted to say this has been a rather hard/wonderful summer. Some things have been wonderful and, well, some things super hard. The whole changing churches thing I feel is taking it's toll on me. Having a church family and regular fellowship is really important to me, but not only have we left our home church of eight+ years, we also are not regularly attending or going to be regularly attending the church of our choice for quite a while. Adam is going to be helping do sound at another church in the city through the months of September and October. And more than likely, we will not be able to get plugged into our new church until November. Thankfully, I have been attending a small group Bible study midweek through the summer. The group is made up of young married or single adults in their 20's or 30's and I feel like I've made some good connections with people or at least am starting to. It helps that one of my bff's was part of the group to start with. But now our group leader has just informed us that he will be leaving our group with a new leader in the fall and going off to start another group. Yeah, the one part of "church" that held some normalcy is now going to be... well, different. It just stinks extra much because our group leader was good at making everyone feel welcome, accepted and, I guess, part of the group. It's hard... Especially when every other night or so, I dream about things going on at the church we left and in my dreams I end up crying because I am missing out on what's happening. I don't want to make friends at the church Adam is helping at because we aren't going to stay there (nor do I want to). The new church is absolutely huge and the only thing that makes the huge part not so bad, is the small groups. I just wish Adam could come with me... I'm not complaining, I'm just saying it's not easy. I know it'll be for the best, but right now I have a lump in my throat and I wish Adam was awake so we could talk about it... But he is sleeping and the next best thing in to blog it.

Friday, March 11, 2011

Horrible Tragedy

My heart is heavy today. My mind feels a million miles away. I just watched a horrendous video of the earthquake and tsunami in Japan. Tears gathered in my eyes and the people there did not seem like strangers to me. They felt like neighbors being washed away in a rush of debris. I realize that I knew none of them personally, but I feel connected none-the-less. You see, just eight days ago I spent a brief moment in Tokyo. I brushed shoulders with the people of Japan. People who are now hurting, desperate for help, and crying out for salvation. People who have just witnessed their lives crumble before their very eyes.

"Dear God! Please help! I know we can do nothing for those who have already lost their lives, but dear God have mercy on those who still have breath! Rescue them in this moment of dire need. Come to their aid and let them witness Your salvation!"

Friday, October 15, 2010

Life Goes On.

It's been an exhausting week. My mind and body are tired. We spent two days this week in Buffalo with Adam's family. Grandma's wake was on Wednesday and the funeral was Thursday. The funeral was done in a Catholic church and was very different from any funeral I had ever been to. It left my mind reeling and I was very grateful that I know my relationship with Jesus Christ is a personal relationship. I don't live in fear of not being accepted into heaven because Christ has already paid for my sins and has extended his free gift of salvation to me. My sins have been washed away and I look forward to seeing my Savior face to face someday. I am forever grateful.
This week I met family members that I had never known before and became reacquainted with some that we hadn't seen for a while. Together we mourned the loss of a wife, mother, grandmother, friend, and neighbor. We laughed with each other and at each other. Shared food and hugs. Together we said goodbye to the woman for whom we had all gathered together. When the time came to go home, Adam and I were both exhausted. We left Grandpa behind while lifting him up in our prayers. It will be difficult in the days ahead as this new way of life becomes the norm. If you think of it, you can pray for him too. Hmm, I think it is bed time.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Antoher Goodbye

When we arrived at the hospital in Buffalo yesterday morning, it was very apparent that we didn't have much longer with Grandma. We took turns holding her hand, telling her that we loved her. We witnessed a man kiss his wife and his best friend goodbye. Tenderly holding her hand, stroking her hair and whispering "I love you" into her ear. He recounted the story of how they got together. How she had reached over and held his hand on the way to a dance and how she had asked him out first. His eyes misted over. This woman was his best friend. His wife of 55 years. His heart already ached with thoughts of her being gone. The cancer had taken it's toll on her body. She lay in the bed, her arms and legs worn thin, and an oxygen mask covered her face, to ease her toiled breaths. This was the girl he went dancing with, the mother of his children, the woman who shared his house and home. And now the time had come to say good-bye. His children had come. As had nearly all of the grandchildren. At 10:30 last night, Grandma slipped into eternity and in doing so, left a hole in the hearts of those she left behind. Good-bye dear Grandma.

Friday, April 02, 2010

Wishing The Time Away and Wishing It Back Again

There are a million and one other things I could be doing at the moment, but instead I sit and eat a pbj sandwich, feeling sad and a little sorry. My bff's husband got a job on Tuesday. He starts next week. In Virginia. They are leaving tonight. Within a weeks time, they went from "just arrived back home from job-searching in Cali. for a month" to "he's got a job interview in VA" to "we're leaving this weekend". I'm not really sad for my "loss", but more for her and her family. The two of them got back from VA on Thursday morning (from the interview), are packing up today and leaving tonight. It's such a whirlwind and has left no time to even have a family dinner before they're gone. So I am sad. Sad that the good-byes are to be so rushed and sad that they are leaving so soon. I am sad that her Mom is sad. I am glad that he has a job and glad that he will be able to provide for himself and his wife. But sad that the job is so far away. Virginia does not sound close to me, no matter how I look at it. With the only exception being that it is closer than California. I wish there was one more week in March. And here I was wishing the month of March away just a few shorts days ago.

Friday, February 05, 2010

Heart Thoughts

It's been a week... On one hand, a good week. On the other, a trying week. This week I have spent an ample amount of time painting the staircase to our basement. It's the last part to be done for our basement project, with the exception of tiling behind out wood stove, which may never happen. I have crouched high and bent low to paint all the surrounding molding, risers, nooks and crannies, caulked till my fingers were raw, and still have more to do. But seeing progress for the first time in a month and a half is encouraging. This is the good portion of my week.

The trying part is more an emotional straining than anything, and I'm not even sure if I can call it that. I have found myself mourning the loss of a man I only met a handful of times and never spoke much more than a few dozen words to. The length of time between our meetings were long and that made any attempt at conversation especially awkward. When I was young, a grandfather was a man to be loved and cherished, even if he lived on the other side of the country. A man to be adored no matter how little you knew of him, a man who's attention you desired to seek and to obtain. I think as a person grows older, those childlike desires begin to wax and wane with time, especially if they go long untended. Having only met my paternal Grandfather maybe 5 times over the course of my life, I feel distanced from his passing, yet strangely disconcerted by it. My heart is sad and I wish I had known more of my Grandpa. I wish I had the opportunity to love him and to know him, as I had with my other Grandpa. And yet, maybe it is a blessing, in an odd, selfish way, because I'm not sure my heart could handle losing two such men so close together. I hurt for Grandpa Jim's family, for his adopted daughter, for his wife and his children. They are in my heart and in my prayers. And somehow, no matter how distant we actually were, I still loved that man. Good-bye my Grandpa Jim..... May 26, 1938-February 4, 2010

Saturday, November 21, 2009

My heart is burdened. It is a sad day in the neighborhood. "Pass me not, oh gentle Savior, heed my humble cry. While on others thou art calling, do not pass me by."

Friday, September 04, 2009

Days of lazy blogging... Or non-existent blogging. And I return with a heavy heart.

Thoughts of him are almost constant. Who is this man, one that I love? Why do so many hold him dear? Why must he go so soon? And who will fill his shoes? He is faithful. He is God-fearing. He is young, but also old. Who will tickle me with their beard? Upon who's knee shall I climb onto, when I get that hankering to draw? Who will always welcome me with a kiss and a hug like he does? Where can I go where I will be so welcome and never be turned away? No one will be able to do those things, quite like this man. He is tall. He is scrawny. He is strong. He is wise. Who will play his banjo for me? And sing to me about fox's, Jesus, Jesse Taylor and trains? Who else could be so excited to hear of my gardening adventures and be so willing to share his own? Who will be my Grandpa, when he is gone? I dread the day when I will have to say good-bye, though it be only temporarily. I know Jesus will welcome him home with open arms and we will be reunited one day. But in the meantime, I will soak up all I can of this man. We may not have many days together, but I will enjoy every minute I can. I will listen with open ears as he recites scripture and to the stories he tells. I will cherish this time. There will be time for tears later. I am grateful that God has given us this opportunity to say good-bye, rather than abruptly taking him from us. I am so grateful. Thank you dear Lord.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Facebook Fast

I want to facebook... But I am fasting from facebook. Till Wednesday. It's been hard. Especially at nap time. When the house is quiet and I want just one more excuse to not fold my laundry. Why is it so addicting? This is obviously why I needed to fast from it.

Saturday, May 02, 2009

The Moral of That Story

Phew! We're home from our crazy trip to Nashville. Things didn't go quite as we had planned, as we made a detour half way through Kentucky to go to the hospital. The moral of that story is simply "Do not drink and drive". It's that simple. Just don't do it folks, you could ruin someone's vacation. Or worse.

It was about 9:00 pm and we pulled off the interstate for some coffee and to top off our gas tank. We had been driving pretty much all day, but we had 2 1/2 hours to go before we would get to our hotel. The guy at McDonald's literally took 20+ minutes to get the coffee. First it wasn't made, then we had to wait, after which he forgot us. I had to go in and ask if it was ready... Anyway, our quick stop for coffee turned into an extended stay. When we were finally going to get back on I-65, we began driving over the bridge under our green light. When we were pulling through the intersection, we caught sight of a car coming from the opposite direction, turning directly into our path. Before I knew it, I heard a smash and the car began to tip over. I remember everything in slow motion, as it happened:

Smash. Tip. Brace myself. Elbow drags along in the glass as it smashes on the asphalt. I watch Adam as his head hits the ceiling, his arms fly "up" while the car continues to roll onto it's roof. Oh my goodness... Our car just rolled over. Hyperventilate. Adam unbuckles, which cues me to do the same. I crawl out the smashed window. There is Adam holding his head. He tells me his head hurts and I urge him to sit down. All I can think is that he is going to pass out. Sirens. There is already an ambulance on the scene. We were two minutes from a hospital and the ambulance crew saw the whole thing. We sit at the bottom of a light pole, while the police ask questions and the medical personnel wrap our wounds in gauze. My arm has a pretty big gash in it and Adam's head is dripping blood. The cop mentions something about the other driver being 10-40 - Police talk for DWI. We are alive, walking, talking and praising Jesus that we are alive. And our car is totaled. And we are more than 600 miles from home. Neither I nor Adam know anyone who lives in Kentucky.

Six hours, 33 stitches, and four staples later, Adam and I hitch a ride (via taxi) to the nearest car rental, which happens to be at the Louisville Airport. It is around 4:30 am and we sleep/rest our eyes while waiting for the car rental to open. Mind you, we have had no sleep, look and smell terrible, have blood on our clothing and I have no shoes. I have hospital slipper socks on, which are 3x's too big, and am using a hospital scrub shirt as a blanket. (I am forever thankful for kind hospital nurses.) Upon opening, Adam haggles with the car rental man for two hours, because we are "unable" to rent a car. He is absolutely exhausted and the man is not being very understanding at all. Apparently, we couldn't use our bank card to rent a car, for whatever reason, even though we had enough money in there to be able to. And our emergency credit card we had left home, and even though we had all our numbers for it, we couldn't use it because it was against their "policy". Imagine yourself in Adam's shoes for a minute. You and your wife were just hit by a drunk driver. You're 12 hours from home, know no one, have no car. Haven't slept a wink. Your head hurts, your wife has no shoes and has 33 stitches in her arm. Your credit card won't work and the one that would work, is against "policy" to use. The smart looking, well dressed, clean, rental-car man, has this smug look on his face and is COMPLETELY unwilling to help you. "I'm sorry, but there is nothing I can do." Adam tells me about it. We have no idea what to do. We are stuck. No way to get our stuff, no way to get to our hotel or any hotel at that. All alone. There is to cab in the taxi booth, so trying my best to gather myself together, and hoping for a smidgen of pity or goodwill from the car-rental man if I talked to him. After all, wouldn't you think he would've had some sort of desire to help the couple in distress, especially if the wife asked? This is where I saw the smug look. Maybe I imagined it, but I don't think he had one ounce of pity and even a desire to help. I asked him to call a cab. That is all. And then I started to cry. I told him I didn't even have any shoes. I was exhausted and Adam said, "Come on Beth. He doesn't care." I went out to the pick up lane outside the airport to wait for out cab to come. Adam was still inside. But I slid down to the ground next to a concrete pillar. 6:30 in the morning. The air was cool and you could hear birds, cars and distant airport noise. And the tears began to roll down my cheeks. I prayed. I felt so alone. God, please help us! Send someone who cares! Shortly thereafter, I heard Adam call me. He had asked the car-rental man if he could give us a car for one day. Just one day, instead of a week. And then it worked. So God didn't send someone, but He did give us a car. For one day. Thank you Jesus. A bight spot at the end of the tunnel. And starting there our vacation got better. Praise the Lord Jesus Christ for his goodness and protection. Watching over us when our lives were in danger and when there was no one who seemed to care. I am so glad my life is in his hands.

So the moral of my story is:

#1 Don't drink and drive
#2 Don't leave your major credit card home when you go on vacation
#3 Rent a car or fly
and most importantly...
#4 Trust in the Lord Jesus Christ to be your protector and deliverer of your soul

I'll post car pictures when my camera battery has charged.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Stupid

Thanks to faulty wiring, I now am the owner of a ticket for "inadequate lighting". Didn't we just get that headlight fixed a month ago?!? This is my first ticket and I'm pretty upset/disappointed/ ticked about the whole matter. Couldn't the guy give me a break, since we JUST had it fixed after out last headlight ticket? Grump, grump, complain, and grump some more......

Monday, February 16, 2009

Rollercoasters of Life

It was a long and arduous weekend, filled with agony and turmoil. I wrote that in retrospect of how I was feeling, but to be truthful, it certainly holds more true for many others who live near. I spent three days lying in bed writhing in pain, while others writhed in pain much deeper than mine. I cannot feel sorry for myself now, nor can I tell you all about "how bad my weekend was".

Feb 12th, 2009- Flight 3047 crashed into a home in the village of Clarence, NY. I've driven through Clarence often, on our way to see family in Buffalo. 49 or 50 people died.

Feb 14th, 2009- A man and his wife were murdered in Canandaigua, NY. The man was manager at a nursing home that my husband services (HVAC) and Adam's boss was good friends with him. I'm told their children were at home.

So, as soon as I wrote that first sentence, I realized that I could not tell a pitiful story about my woeful, sickly experience and how I weigh less now than I did at age 14. Now my heart aches with sadness for the loss of so many. I rest my head on Your shoulder, dear Lord.

But sadness is not all that happened this weekend. Bekah, the girl I work with at the daycare, had her baby yesterday. She and her husband had not found out what the baby was, but they thought it would be a boy. I though so too. But it really tickled my fancy to find out it was a girl!! She was born on Sunday at 1:30, and was named Rosalie Grace. Which I think is so pretty. :) And I think that news of a new baby should make anyone smile.

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Saddening News For You All

Well, I have two bits of sad news. The first is that, when I sat down to look up my blog, my pants caught on a little nail that is sticking in the computer desk, and now they have a little tear/hole in the knee. I am so sad.... One of my only two good pairs of jeans.
The second bit of sad news is that I will be leaving the blogging world for four days as I venture off to new places with the Junior group fom church. That is not sad for me, but sad for those of you who depend on reading my exciting new blogs every other day or so. But take heart! I shall return with good news and exciting tales of winter retreats... good Bible studies, sledding, a bunch of girls talking way too long into the night, cold feet, forgotten towels, and etc... Adam and I were both asked to go along with the Juniors as they go on their annual winter retreat. We will be having a good time I'm sure, and getting to know these kids will also be an adventure. I haven't ever really talked much to this age group lately. I worked with the teen group last year, but this I think will be a little different. Especially since none of them really know me either. So prayers will be appreciated and thoughts coveted. Hopefully I will come home with lots of fun picture to share... If I get a picture card for our camera and new batteries too. Hmmm... maybe I'll have to think about that...

Anyway, our wedding cake is kinda yummy. Adam thawed it out for Valentines Day. The cake is still pretty moist except for the outermost edges. I know we were supposed to wait for our first anniversary, but by then the cake would be past enjoying. So we eat it now, while we still have the chance to see how good of a cake maker Cheryl, Auntie Lori, and Gramanita are. We didn't taste the cake on our wedding day... other that what was smashed on our faces. So we take the liberty of choosing to eat while still enjoyable. I think there is two pieces left... we should eat them (and the rest of the leftovers in the fridge) before we go away tomorrow. Don't you think?
Well, I should be on my way.... I would like to stop by Mom and Dad's today. Hopefully I won't forget that I need to pick up my sleeping bag, a bag for traveling, and there was something else too... Oh, yes. I'm also borrowing Mom's boots. Can't forget those. I'd certainly be the one with cold feet then. Yikes...