You Are Not Special Commencement Speech from Wellesley High School

A little reminder and challenge for myself. Thanks Dad.

Talents and Dreams and More Trusting

When you don't know what to do, eat ice cream.

I've been thinking about talents the past couple of days. You know, those things that people are good at? There are few things that I feel I am very good at. I might be able to get things done in a decent fashion, but as far as being really good at something, I can only count one or two. Knowing that I'll be needed to earn a supplementary income while being a stay-at-home-mom, starting this coming October, has me thinking about what sort of things I am good at. For the past four years, I have been working for a friend, taking care of and teaching young children. But do I feel that I excel in that area? It's certainly something I can do, but I lack confidence while doing it. Maybe because there are too many more talented individuals that I compare myself too... Or maybe it is because I know my own shortcomings. I am coming around to the thought that, girls and young women, even if their intent is to get married and raise a family, should develop talents. The things she finds herself drawn toward, be it teaching young children, photography, nursing, sewing, language, writing, or owning her own business, those tendencies should be developed and practiced until she possesses a valuable skill. Having a skill or talent not only adds confidence, but becomes a valuable asset to young mothers trying to supplement the family income while raising their children. So where do I go from here? 26 years old, two little boys (one of them a newborn), on the verge of beginning Kindergarten with Joshua, in a new neighborhood, possibility stretched out on the horizon... If homeschooling doesn't give me enough of a brain cramp when I think about it, I am to figure out how to make about $200 a week from home, starting this fall. I try not to think about it too hard and just trust that God will fill the gap, but sometimes I start scheming and dreaming of doing something I really love and am good at. Like baking pies. That is something I am good at. (Or can I really make $200 a week growing veggies?? Not likely.) But the logistics boggle my mind and having little encouragement from my brave leader, I am already sinking. He is a realist. I am a dreamer. He suggests that I could clean houses one day a week. The thought makes me shudder, and exhausts me. Could I do it? Yes, but not happily. Couldn't I really make an average of $200 a week selling pies at the public market once a week? Then I come back to caring for children. Don't I love kids? Wouldn't it be easiest to find one or two to love during the weekdays? Maybe I had better just keep my feet on the ground, head out of the clouds and continue to do what I've been doing for the past four years, loving little kids... Or is that just a cop-out, because the rest of my dreams seem just out of reach and I am too lazy to try? What are my talents? Where are they hiding? Again, I am trusting God to lead me and guide me into the unknown. May He fill that gap and may I trust him with my dreams, even if my dreams really are to love the children of others' while raising my own.

Trusting

It'll be three weeks tomorrow since we've been on the market. And we've had zero walk-thrus. We are trying not to be anxious about it and I've made it a consistent matter of prayer. I have been praying that a Christian family would buy our house and they would be a godly witness in our neighborhood. Perhaps my request has narrowed the field too much? I know that God has someone for our little house, but we may have to wait a while for them to show up. That's typically how things go on our little street. Houses sit for long periods of time before they sell. Our house was on the market a year and a half before we bought it. Hopefully it won't be that long... We are supposed to close on our new house in July, so we at least don't have to rush in the moving process. Well, except for the fact that Little Brother is due in the beginning of September, and I'd like to be mostly settled before he gets here... And I'd like to at least have Joshua's new bedroom painted from pink to blue before we move. I think if his room looks as much like his does now, it'll be an easier transition for him, though I still expect to have him climbing into bed with us for the first several days in our new house. (How comfy will that be for me, at eight months pregnant, sandwiched between a sweaty husband and a squirmy little boy?)

This is time for us to trust God (isn't it always?) and commit the transition to Him. He knows all the details and He knows each and everyone affected by our move. Even my young neighbors here. And how my commute to work will grow by a half hour after we move, even if it is only temporary. Maybe it'll be good to stay here a little longer. I'm not looking forward to the 50 minute commute, though it'll only be until the end of August. See? God knows.

Honest About Houses

So, last week I was stressing about looking at houses and looking for a home. I felt I had let my husband down by not loving the house he loved. I tried to love it for a whole day. I honestly tried to convince myself that this house was for us. But for some reason it didn't feel right to me. Was the house too small? Was the yard to small? Was it the kitchen? The bedrooms? The perfectly manicured yard? Nothing seemed like a good reason to not want to live in this beautiful house. I felt like a rat in a cage, with no where to run. We planned to go see the house one more time and probably put in an offer afterwards. Two hours beforehand, I finally broke down and said I did not think that our second scheduled visit was going to make me love the house. We canceled our appointment and spent several agonizing hours hating each other. He was upset. I was unsettled. Maybe I made a mistake... Why did I have to be the one to decide? We knew that time was of the essence, because an offer had been put on the house by a different couple the night before. We couldn't spend days debating it. Finally, I told Adam to call our realtor back. See if we could change our mind and see it. See if we could put an offer in. I felt horrible because Adam was so crushed about the house. He was already convinced this place was perfect. By the time our realtor got back to us, it was too late. The other offer was already going before the home owners. I'm not sure if I felt relieved or more guilty.

Two days later we saw two more houses. The first one we looked at felt like home when I walked in. Large rooms up and down. Over a half acre of land, with room for a garden and room for my boys to run and play in their own yard. Roomy kitchen. Fenced in patio area to play in. Big trees. It did need a new oven/stove and the bathroom was severely outdated. It was missing the extra family room that would be so nice when company was over and the kids got noisy. Adam said it was too small. I said okay. That night, I couldn't sleep. My mind kept going over and over about the house. I knew how Adam must've felt over the weekend. I was figuring out how we could work things in the house. Where we could make extra room appear, so our boys could play in their own space. Could we make a play space in the basement? And my new stove with oven would go right at the end of the counter. That stove-top would go and so would that built in oven that was half the size of a normal oven. How long did it take me to go to sleep? Maybe hours? Wednesday I practiced being honest. I started with my community group and how I needed to put my family first this week. I told my friend and employer about our plans to move and how, after the baby came, I planned to stay at home and watch a couple kids there. How I was not planning to come back to work and how the commute would be too long after we moved and I had two little kids in tow. I don't know how I managed that part, since I was dreading the whole conversation, but it was taken very well and given rather matter-of-factly. Then, at suppertime that evening, I practiced being honest with my husband. I told him how I felt about the house we had see the day before. I liked it. I really liked it. I gave my suggestions as far as family/play rooms go and about the stove and what not. He heard me out and we had a pleasant conversation. The next day we saw another house and both hated it. And we put an offer on the house that I loved. Adam was coming around to it. And, by Friday afternoon, after a counteroffer or two, the house was ours. Even Adam was excited! We will be moving this summer. In July. Before the baby comes! And I just may have time to settle in before September arrives.

Home, Sweet Home

My mind won't turn off this evening. There's too much to think about. Too much for me to do in the next week and a half. And figure out. We have exactly one week to finish prepping our house to be on the market. Yes, we are planning to make a move. Yes, while pregnant. Hey, last time I was pregnant we moved, so why not this time too? We are not going too far, just closer to where we always are. Closer to where Adam typically works. Closer to church, to the store, to the other Grandma. Farther from where I work, farther from the close-to-us Grandma, farther from my vegetable garden... We are excited and stressed too. I'm trying to give it all to God and not worry about finding the perfect house, but I am still thinking about it, especially when I should be sleeping. We have four months before baby brother is due and I would love to be settled in our new home before then. And God knows that. He also know where that will be and how long it will take to sell our house. He knows my tomato plants just came in the mail and that they need to be planted in my garden soon. And He knows I would like access to them in August when they are producing big, juicy, red tomatoes. God knows my husband is tired of driving so far to and from work each day. And He knows that I currently drive 25 minutes to work three days a week and if we move during mid-summer, I will have to make a 45-50 minute commute until the end of August. He knows that I would need to supplement the family income somehow after I stop working outside of out home and He knows how that will happen. He knows exactly when baby brother will arrive. He knows our families needs and desires in a house, even if we aren't sure exactly what they are ourselves. And I think it is GREAT that He knows ALL these things! He even tells us to cast all our cares upon Him, because He cares about us! So why am I still awake at night thinking about details? (Oh yes, there are many more details I have not shared. For instance, the bridal shower I am hosting at my house in 11 days... How can it be pretty and dainty and lovely and wonderful and a blessing and a success all at the same time? All at the same time as I am cleaning and boxing and sorting and tossing and getting no sleep? I guess God knows that too...)

Oh yes, and baby brother is 23 weeks tomorrow. An amazing, unexpected miracle and gift. God's timing is perfect. Who am I to second guess Him?

Baby Love

Loving baby at Grammy's house

I think he likes babies. What do you think? He will make a good brother. Little Brother will be blessed to have him.

Pink or Blue

I read about it in a magazine. And I thought it was the best. idea. ever. Well, maybe not ever... But pretty close. It was about cake. Pink or blue cake and a good surprise. The idea was, after your ultrasound, have the tech write on a piece of paper whether you were having a boy or girl, and stick it inside a sealed envelope so you cannot read it. Take the envelope to a bakery and have them make you a pink or blue cake depending on what is in the envelope, but frost the cake neutrally. I took it from there. I fashioned pink and blue flags so my guests could wave them in anticipation and share their guess. I also colored sugar with a few drops of food coloring so we could sprinkle our ice cream appropriately. Tonight we had our party. Adam, my very good secret keeper, kept the secret safe after he passed along the information to our cake baker, who turned out to be my Aunt, since the bakery didn't work out. Check out the pictures to see how it all played out!

Pink and blue flags await the voting!

The mystery cake

The crowd had voted. It's a pretty even vote! Might say 50/50.

"You mean, it's a brother?"

Happy Mom and Dad!

Boy: A noise with dirt on it.