Talents and Dreams and More Trusting

When you don't know what to do, eat ice cream.

I've been thinking about talents the past couple of days. You know, those things that people are good at? There are few things that I feel I am very good at. I might be able to get things done in a decent fashion, but as far as being really good at something, I can only count one or two. Knowing that I'll be needed to earn a supplementary income while being a stay-at-home-mom, starting this coming October, has me thinking about what sort of things I am good at. For the past four years, I have been working for a friend, taking care of and teaching young children. But do I feel that I excel in that area? It's certainly something I can do, but I lack confidence while doing it. Maybe because there are too many more talented individuals that I compare myself too... Or maybe it is because I know my own shortcomings. I am coming around to the thought that, girls and young women, even if their intent is to get married and raise a family, should develop talents. The things she finds herself drawn toward, be it teaching young children, photography, nursing, sewing, language, writing, or owning her own business, those tendencies should be developed and practiced until she possesses a valuable skill. Having a skill or talent not only adds confidence, but becomes a valuable asset to young mothers trying to supplement the family income while raising their children. So where do I go from here? 26 years old, two little boys (one of them a newborn), on the verge of beginning Kindergarten with Joshua, in a new neighborhood, possibility stretched out on the horizon... If homeschooling doesn't give me enough of a brain cramp when I think about it, I am to figure out how to make about $200 a week from home, starting this fall. I try not to think about it too hard and just trust that God will fill the gap, but sometimes I start scheming and dreaming of doing something I really love and am good at. Like baking pies. That is something I am good at. (Or can I really make $200 a week growing veggies?? Not likely.) But the logistics boggle my mind and having little encouragement from my brave leader, I am already sinking. He is a realist. I am a dreamer. He suggests that I could clean houses one day a week. The thought makes me shudder, and exhausts me. Could I do it? Yes, but not happily. Couldn't I really make an average of $200 a week selling pies at the public market once a week? Then I come back to caring for children. Don't I love kids? Wouldn't it be easiest to find one or two to love during the weekdays? Maybe I had better just keep my feet on the ground, head out of the clouds and continue to do what I've been doing for the past four years, loving little kids... Or is that just a cop-out, because the rest of my dreams seem just out of reach and I am too lazy to try? What are my talents? Where are they hiding? Again, I am trusting God to lead me and guide me into the unknown. May He fill that gap and may I trust him with my dreams, even if my dreams really are to love the children of others' while raising my own.

How to Realize You Are Just One Person

I know my last post made it seem like I wanted lots more to do, but maybe you need clarification. There is currently a LOT on my plate. I don't really need any more to do. But I do want to make more of a difference. I want the things that I do to impact lives for the better. To spread the Good News farther. To effect. To draw people to Christ, because in the end, He is all that really matters. I want my life to reflect that fact. And is busying myself by doing Bible Club, Compassion events, helping decorate for Vacation Bible School, cooking class at Daycare, and hostessing at the CK really reflecting Christ's love for those around me? Am I really able to be a conduit of His grace and mercy when my mind is occupied with thoughts of painting Western scenes, how to make styrofoam swords for defeating the throes of sin, finding sponsors for 22 needy children across the globe or teaching children how to make chocolate chip cookies? It's 12:30 at night and I can't sleep, probably from drinking coffee at 4:45 pm, but possibly from trying to keep everything straight in my brain. When does a girl possibly have time to keep her house clean, her garden free from weeds, to practice the piano more than twice a week so she doesn't feel like a fool come piano lesson day, work more than three days a week, make sure her family eats supper AND gets time to spend with her, AND read the Bible and pray every day? Thankfully the Lord has given me a little alarm clock named Louis, who scratches at my door at 5:15 every morning and finally I realized it was a call to rise early to read and pray, after it happened consistently for over two weeks. Also thankfully, if I get up that early, spend 30-40 minutes with the Lord, I still have time to go back to sleep before I really need to get up to get ready for work. What does God really want from me? Obedience more than sacrifice... How do I know which is which? What is He calling me to do and what have I just taken on because I wanted to? If I knew how to discern, I could pour myself more fully into what He has truly called me to do.

Okay Lord, what is it YOU would have me to do?

Time for This or Time for That

Lately I have been overworked and overwhelmed. You have probably heard me complaining about it. I have finally begun the responsible thing of decluttering my schedule, so I can have more time with my family, at home, where I belong more often than not. Last week, I told our worship leader that I needed to take summers off from participating in the worship team. Singing with the team is something that I LOVE, but if something needs to go, this falls farther down on my priority list than the other ministries I am involved with. This was step number one. I am not sure what step number two is, but I did find in humorous that, the very next day, my CK boss asked me about coming back to work regularly again, though just one day a week. She complained of being very busy and needed some time, etc, etc. Basically the same thing I had been feeling. I am not ready to commit to a regular CK schedule yet. I much prefer filling in hours at random times, when I feel I am able. I think this may have been a test. Then, this week I find myself humored again. Monday nights I regularly go with my parents and a few siblings to a nursing home to sing to them and have a Bible study with them. This is something I will not clear out of my schedule. I love visiting with the people there and the ministry was passed down to us from my Grandpa when he got sick last September. However, this week's service was canceled because there was a GI bug going around the nursing home and the residents were confined to their rooms. So I was able to spend the evening at home. (Hooray for me! Sad for my friends at the nursing home.) Today there was a daycare class schedules for this evening. These are things I must attend on a monthly basis due to state regulations. But this evening's class was canceled due to the teacher having a family emergency! (Bad for teacher, good for me!) So two nights off in a row! AND I forgot to mention, that Sunday evening's church service was canceled for Mother's Day! Three cancellations in a row! Weird, eh?? I wonder what the rest of the week will bring... Oh and tonight was open-swim night at the pool where my friend teaches swim lessons. And since Adam was working late, and we were two minutes from the pool, and evening plans were canceled, I was able to take Josh swimming. Even though he had to go in his underwear, he still had great fun and wants to go again. Good times.

Some Time at Home

I have had a simply lovely week off. I am wondering to myself why I don't do this more often. Oh yeah, cause I have a job. I have cleaned my house, hung wall hangings, fixed up my front flower gardens and visited my sister-in-law. Big "wahoo" on the cleaning the house part. I had really fallen behind on that... *gross* Even though I had five whole days off, I still didn't have enough time to get everything done that I had wanted. I didn't sort through my clothes or Joshua's clothes. I've been meaning to go through my little guy's things for a while... I also didn't get my peas, lettuce or radishes planted, which I want to do real soon. Adam tilled the garden for me though, so now it's just up to me. I had wanted to have two mulch bins built, but I would need some help for that. And I need to stake up our baby fruit trees soon, before they are perpetually bent over. (Poor little trees.) Having this week off just reinforces my dream of being a stay-at-home Mom. I love it just that much. I have more time to be creative and I feel like a much better housewife if my house is actually somewhat clean. Being creative to me merely means doing what I love, like gardening or hanging random windows on my walls as decorations. That is my creative outlet... Oh and as a side note, I hope to have a yard sale real soon.

I "Created A Table"

It was suggested, so I tried it. I'm not sure if we sat any longer than usual, but the pleasure of seeing such a presentation was obvious for all to see. I may not have many spectacular pieces, or even the properly matching sets. I am short one black mug and my only bowls are chipped and cheap. I'm not complaining or asking for replacements, but merely stating that a beautiful table is not necessarily matching pieces of china or extra fine glassware. I believe it is the arrangement of the settings, lit candles, place mats (whether colorful, plain or made from napkins), a tablecloth, and knowing that someone took the time to make your dinner special. The dinner guests were pleasantly surprised, my husband told me I was silly (in a loving kind of way) and the pleasure of going the extra mile was all mine. And Josh thought it was someone's birthday.

*See Jessica's blog for my inspiration*

Drawers

Last week, a good friend of mine was cleaning out her closet. She had a serious case of too many clothes and I was more than happy to take some off her hands. I ended up coming home with a big garbage bag full of clothes, which in turn made me need to clean out some clothes of my own so the new ones could be put away. You may be pleased to know that I am going to rid myself of this very fine t-shirt that I have not worn since before I was pregnant with Josh. Yes, I actually wore that really cool X-men shirt. But only to bed. Talk about sexy jammies, eh? Whenever I empty my drawers of excess clothing, I always take my drawers out and set them on the floor. This time I took advantage of the opportunity and soaped up the edges of my drawers so they will slide better. The only problem is that the bottom of my drawer seems to be coming off. Suppose I pack my drawer too full? We do tend to overpack our drawers because Adam and I share our dresser. The drawers are nice and big, but when one has clothes a plenty, they still end up too full. Anyway, my drawer has yet to go back into the dresser, since I am not a fan of destroying our antique dresser. Suppose I should find a hammer and get to it, since the cats like to sleep in my clothes. *Not a fan of hairy clothes*

This morning Josh decided to help me soap up the dresser again. He is my big helper.
He couldn't help himself, when it came to tasting the soap. He licked his fingers several times, before he finally realized that soap really wasn't all that appetizing. I got a good laugh out of it though!

A Few Words

Just a few words to say... It is late, and I have been avoiding my blog because it is neglected... Again. But cheers to all!

We have bought a new car. (HOORAY!) This time we did not get a SUV, though I will miss mine terribly (and still look with longing at any Ford Escape that goes by...), but a Honda Accord. I already love it and have a hard time believing that it it the car that I drive. Yes, it is just. that. pretty. It's a 2006 and a really nice color. They call the color graphite, which makes complete sense. It's strange though, when I drive it, I have this very increased paranoia of getting in an accident. Just being honest here. I never used to feel that way when I drove my first couple of cars. But now I feel extra vulnerable. Wouldn't have anything to do with being in an accident already, would it? Hmmm..... During our search for a vehicle, we did briefly mention minivans, but neither Adam or I were ready to feel just so "old". And, although, we would looove more kids, we are just not sure when God will see fit to so bless us with another addition. So we felt it was okay to get a car. Save gas, save time, save money. (Okay, I just threw the save time in there for fun.) I'll put up a picture when I get around to it. (That is one way of saying "no grarantees.)

Onto another pleasant subject... Gardens. :) I can't help but smile. I love flowers. I love greens. I love the dirt.

I'm sorry, but I had to take a slight detour from the garden topic. As I sit and type, I hear a "choo-choo" coming from Joshua's room. He keeps several books in his bed that make noise. I am not sure if he rolled in his sleep or if he is still up (hopefully not the latter), but his Thomas the Train Engine Book was chooing. Josh loves trains. On our way to daycare a week or two ago, we had the very good fortune of being stopped at a train crossing. This very rarely happens on this particular road, and to make it even better, we were first in line. So this train engine comes by with one car, tooting and chooing and making train-like noises... Josh was fascinated. I think that train made his day. It was great. For the next 15 minutes of drive time, Josh sat in the back "choo-chooing" all the way. And a few days later, my Aunt gives us her kids' old Brio train set. Wooden tracks, little trains, bridges, and farm animals. Perfect timing. What a great toy. Growing up, we had a set almost identical, and all through our childhood years my brothers and I would set up elaborate towns, tracks, roads, homes... The works. So I am glad to have the opportunity to plays trains with Joshua now. He already loves the train engines and will walk around the house going "choo-choo". Good old classic toys...

Well, the garden stories will have to wait. It is late and sleep is calling. Keep praying for Stephanie. She hasn't had her baby yet. Her water broke last night at 8:00pm and at 7:30 this evening she was still only 2 cm dialated, according to her brothers' facebook. I am so anxious... I wish I knew how she was doing. I cannot imagine being in labor for so long. Josh came so quick. I hope she is doing okay and getting some rest between contractions...

I Don't Really Feel This Grouchy... I Just Have Nothing Exciting to Write

I should post something new, but I have no desire to. I do not feel clever or witty, like Jane, and I do not have a good story to tell, like my Mom. I have not been anywhere fun, like Kate, and I have not discovered a new favorite ice cream, like Jessica. So I have nothing to write about.

It is raining and quite wet. I worked today and ate jelly beans while doing so. I gave one old man a hug and he said it made his day. Josh is getting over 5 days worth of diarrhea. He is Daddy's little man. Josh's dog pajamas bring him out in a whole slur of "Molly this" and "Molly that". Last night, Joe and I stacked wood in the dark. For that reason, and only that reason, I am thankful it was still chilly. We could not see if there were bugs, but we did not worry because it was too cold for them (the bugs) to care. I have the next two weeks off of daycare work, because the family who runs daycare is going to FL. (Lucky...) I want to go to Florida. During those two weeks, I will work extra hours at the restaurant selling chocolate. Yes, the restaurant sells chocolate. It doubles as a candy store. I wish my yard was neat and clean and had a fence. Then we could go out and play without worries. Why do all four tires on my vehicle HAVE to match? Adam has class tonight, which means I'll be all by myself, with Josh, this evening. Maybe we'll go to the library. I need some more books so I can pretend to read them. On a positive note, I found my "Mr. Brown Can Moo, Can You?" book. It had been missing almost all winter. It was under my hope chest. Good thing I clean once in a while. Oh, and we are going to be traveling to Tennessee at the end of April, for a week. Who should we visit on the way, or does anyone know of anything fun to do in Nashville with a 1 1/2 year old? I'll have two days to spend there while Adam takes a class. I need ideas people!!

Today Stuff

My body is sore and achy. I am *hopefully not* getting the flu. I should be wrapped up in my bed, but Adam isn't there yet, so there is no one to cuddle with and keep me warm.

Today was a glorious day (minus the sore, achy and tired part), as I just love it when the days start getting longer again. The sky was blue on my drive home and there were birds outside today. Even though they were black wrenish-type ones... I am not a bird watcher like my Grandparents, so therefore I do not know what kind of bird they really were. But they were there and there were several. So that made me happy. :) I like birds, even if Spring is still 2 1/2 months away. Birds make me feel like Spring. (Side note- I forget if you capitalize seasons... I think not, but do you?)

I haven't been taking as many photos of Josh lately, and I feel badly because of it. I should really get out of this slump and get back to it. Maybe tomorrow. I have the day off, so maybe in between cleaning the bathroom and mopping the floors, I'll take of few pictures and write a new post. So on that note, I'll be seeing you tomorrow.

Mommy's Big Helper

Josh and I have had a busy morning together. Daddy had to take his van to the garage this morning, so it was just Josh and I. (And Uncle Joe, but he minds his own business pretty well.) The two of us busied ourselves with the morning housework. Josh "helped" me make the bed. We washed some laundry together. Josh is very good at pressing the buttons on the washing machine and putting the dirty laundry in to wash. He also likes to help put the wet laundry in the dryer. After we did the wash, the dishes were next. Josh stands on the chair next to me and dunks the dishes in the water, scoops water from the dish pan into the other side of the sink and over the edge of the counter onto his shirt. He like to take the clean dishes out of the dish drainer and put them back into the soapy water. I will say, "Hmmm, I think I've washed this spoon before." It may take me a little longer to get the dishes done, but I enjoy Josh's help and I know he loves helping Mommy. After all, I remember helping my Mommy wash dishes when I was very little. I would practically beg her to let me help. Sometimes she would yes, and sometimes she would say, "No, I need to get them done quick this time." I don't think my Mom realizes that I remember helping her way back then. It must've been before I went to Kindergarten. Sweet memories for me. I'm glad she took the time to let me help. Thanks Mom!

The Good and The Ugly

Our daycare inspection went very well today. The lady was really easy going and we passed (!!) with no violations!!! Which is basically amazing and typically never happens. A big praise the Lord moment.

Josh went the whole day on the B.R.A.T diet and even had no dairy products. But he still managed to have a nice explosion while at Grandma's house today. Thankfully I was not there. ;) Today makes it eight days of diarrhea. I even bought Pedialyte on the way home from the daycare, so we'll see if that helps. Does anyone out there have opinions on oatmeal? I hear it's good from one source, but was told to stay away from too much fiber from another. What to do, what to do?

All in a Night's Work

Can you tell what I have been doing ALL evening? Now all I have left to do is put it all away! I know this photo makes it seem like a never do laundry, but in all actuality if you look at my latest post AND realize that Joshua had diarrhea all last week I think you'd understand. Good work me! (Pat myself on the back...) Now off to put it away and then I can crawl into bed. Yum.

See, this is how my life goes as of late.

Sept. 16th- Daycare til 5:00
Sept. 17th- Restaurant stuff till 2ish and church at 7:00
Sept. 18th- Daycare til 5:00 and tot swim at 6:30
Sept. 19th- Clean house, play with Josh, drive to Child Care Council to have fingerprinting done, drive from there to church to try my best to sing harmony with the worship team, fail miserably and go home.
Sept. 20th- Go to local big garage sale day in small historic hamlet and then go see about wallpaper.
Sept. 21st- Church morning and evening
Sept. 22nd- Wallpaper ALL day long at Children's Pastor's house
Sept. 23rd- Daycare til 5:00
Sept. 24th- Restaurant stuff til 3ish, try to catch up at home.
Sept.25th- Daycare til 5:00, TOT SWIM CANCELED!!!
Sept. 26th- Finish wallpaper and go to worship team practice to do better singing harmony.
Sept. 27th- Spend time with my husband at a Sabres game in Buffalo.

And you wonder where I have been. Now I must go and see about tomorrow's Kindergarten lesson as I have been trying to teach good health habits to three Kindergartners at Daycare. I could really use some magazines with pictures of food that could be pasted onto our food pyramid.

Oh, and Josh has hair. It is great and grows more every day. And he wanders around the house like he is two. Walking here and there. I am still amazed.

Time For This and Time For That

Time. It needs stretching. Nap time, bed time, time for this and time for that. If there was always plenty of time, I would never get anything done. Odd as that may sound, it is true. I only am motivated to do things when time is limited or quickly fleeting. For instance, on Saturday evening we were expecting dinner company. Friday was "filled" with grocery shopping and Saturday morning there was a Ladies Prayer Breakfast at church, which I felt that I should attend. That left me Saturday afternoon (and a total of five hours) to clean my house and make dinner. Since I hadn't been home ALL week, pretty much everything had to be cleaned. But because time was quickly running out, I was able to apply myself to the task and get it all done, including laundry, with the much needed help of nap time for a small boy. I felt so rewarded when it was finished. Like I had really accomplished something. It is silly, I guess, because it is not like I did some sort of extra or over-the-top deed. I did what should've been done earlier in the week, but had just been put off till last minute. A terrible habit it is to put things off. Perhaps that is why I always feel guilty writing on my blog... There is this persistent nagging in the back of my brain telling me all these things which I should be doing instead. One of which today happens to be making sauce form the tomatoes in my garden. I have never made sauce and am slightly intimidated by the thought of doing so, but if I put it off too long, I will regret not getting to it. And watching all those plump tomatoes rot will be a sad reminder of my shortcoming. Perhaps I will remove myself from my seat and get to that which has not yet been done.

But first, I will tell of lovely things which take place in the home of a child under the age of one. Joshua, my little 10 1/2 month old Joshua, is walking. He smiles so broadly when he does so, so proud of himself. His little steps. Tottering across the floor. Tipping onto his bum. So adorable. *smile* And his hair is finally growing! It can be "blown" in the wind and messed with our hands. Every other day I smooth it with the palms of my hands and smile to myself because I can tell it has grown some more. My bald baby will soon have a head full of hair. Josh said "kitty" the other day. He loves our kitty, Louis. He has also said "doggy", "ball" and "Daddy". And I'm pretty sure he said "yes" one day too. The four things Joshua loves the most in the world are his Daddy, kitties, doggies and his ball. I guess I must be on the list somewhere too, but I'm not entirely sure where I fit... *Sigh* I love being a Mom.

What We're Up To

My brother Jim left for home on Saturday. We had a blast while he was here. The week was filled with a baby dedication, a trip to the State Fair, a Labor Day picnic, an afternoon canoeing adventure, a family pizza "party" and a Friday night movie. Since Jim hadn't been home since Christmas, we packed in activities like sardines packed in a can. I'm not sure if we could've fit anything else in if we had tried. And to top off my list of things I did with Jim, I also started helping at a daycare run by a friend of mine and was there three days last week. This friend has been after me for a few years now to help her and I have put it off until now. Seeing as I now have Joshua to look after and am only working at the restaurant one day a week, I was able to concede to her wishes. Josh comes along with me and plays with the other children (sort of) and I am still able to make a little extra money to help with the bills. So far it has been enjoyable, though when there are three or more children crying at once (including my own) it can be a little taxing. I suppose it comes with the territory and I'll learn the ropes soon enough. But that is what I've been up to lately. Keeps me out of trouble, I guess. :)

Boring Blurbs

It was a cold, wet, wet day that was not sunny... But we still could do things that were fun and were funny!
Today I went teaching... and it went well. Except history... that didn't get done. Next week. Also Rebekah and Katherine have lost their school books. That means I have to scramble in the morning and get some papers organized for them to do. But it still went fairly well today. I'll only be teaching there for about one more month. I think I will miss them... it will be nice to have my days off, but then maybe I won't know what to do with myself! I'll have to wait and see what God has in store for me. I know he's got something good. I suppose I'll be able to visit my Mom more often and get my errands done and clean the house! That'll be good. And I know that I can always visit my students whenever I get the chance. Hey Mom, have you saved me a spot in the garden? I'll be able to come over and tend one hopefully... All I need is some tomato plants, pepper plants, I do like growing corn..., maybe some beans and squash. Oh, I do like gardening... Anyway, Adam's waiting for me. He want's to go get a rain coat. I think for work. His new job is going well. I think he likes it. He doesn't complain anyway... Sorry for the short blurb of a blog. Not very good this time... Oh well!

Boring Escapades of Life

Ah, Mondays. You wake up tired, go back to work after the weekend, come home and try to figure out what to make for dinner because you didn't take anything out of the freezer, and think about how you have to back to work the next day.... We had a good weekend. I was called into work to clerk on Saturday. (We've been busy selling chocolate because of Valentine's day.) It was kinda nice working on Saturday again. It has to be the most exciting day to work, by far. It was real busy, candy and the restaurant. I even got the chance to wait on the counter because the other girls were so busy with their tables. It was fun. I'm clerking again this Saturday, but the candy business won't be quite so busy by then. In the evening, Adam and I went with his parents to the Sara Groves dinner concert at the Family Life Network. We all really enjoyed ourselves. Adam and I won a free CD because we were the newest newly weds. I guess it pays to be married :) Sunday, after church, we went out to breakfast/lunch with Jim and Dave (my brothers). We took them to Billy's Homestead in West Webster. That is our favorite place to eat. I think it was an eye opener for Jim and Dave 'cause they got to see Adam in his relaxed state. He blew his straw wrapper at Jim but it went past him into the next booth where it almost hit a little kid in the face! That was so funny... I burst out laughing! Sometimes he's just like a little kid, who really needs to have someone keep an eye on him! :) That night after evening service, we had some friends over to our house where we had waffles for supper and played Space Munchkin. That is a cool game our friend Tim intoduced us to. We've played it a few times before and we're getting pretty good. I like the other version of Munchkins better. It is of the knights and dragons time period. Anyway, enough of my boring escapades. Time for a cookie...