Talents and Dreams and More Trusting

When you don't know what to do, eat ice cream.

I've been thinking about talents the past couple of days. You know, those things that people are good at? There are few things that I feel I am very good at. I might be able to get things done in a decent fashion, but as far as being really good at something, I can only count one or two. Knowing that I'll be needed to earn a supplementary income while being a stay-at-home-mom, starting this coming October, has me thinking about what sort of things I am good at. For the past four years, I have been working for a friend, taking care of and teaching young children. But do I feel that I excel in that area? It's certainly something I can do, but I lack confidence while doing it. Maybe because there are too many more talented individuals that I compare myself too... Or maybe it is because I know my own shortcomings. I am coming around to the thought that, girls and young women, even if their intent is to get married and raise a family, should develop talents. The things she finds herself drawn toward, be it teaching young children, photography, nursing, sewing, language, writing, or owning her own business, those tendencies should be developed and practiced until she possesses a valuable skill. Having a skill or talent not only adds confidence, but becomes a valuable asset to young mothers trying to supplement the family income while raising their children. So where do I go from here? 26 years old, two little boys (one of them a newborn), on the verge of beginning Kindergarten with Joshua, in a new neighborhood, possibility stretched out on the horizon... If homeschooling doesn't give me enough of a brain cramp when I think about it, I am to figure out how to make about $200 a week from home, starting this fall. I try not to think about it too hard and just trust that God will fill the gap, but sometimes I start scheming and dreaming of doing something I really love and am good at. Like baking pies. That is something I am good at. (Or can I really make $200 a week growing veggies?? Not likely.) But the logistics boggle my mind and having little encouragement from my brave leader, I am already sinking. He is a realist. I am a dreamer. He suggests that I could clean houses one day a week. The thought makes me shudder, and exhausts me. Could I do it? Yes, but not happily. Couldn't I really make an average of $200 a week selling pies at the public market once a week? Then I come back to caring for children. Don't I love kids? Wouldn't it be easiest to find one or two to love during the weekdays? Maybe I had better just keep my feet on the ground, head out of the clouds and continue to do what I've been doing for the past four years, loving little kids... Or is that just a cop-out, because the rest of my dreams seem just out of reach and I am too lazy to try? What are my talents? Where are they hiding? Again, I am trusting God to lead me and guide me into the unknown. May He fill that gap and may I trust him with my dreams, even if my dreams really are to love the children of others' while raising my own.

How to Realize You Are Just One Person

I know my last post made it seem like I wanted lots more to do, but maybe you need clarification. There is currently a LOT on my plate. I don't really need any more to do. But I do want to make more of a difference. I want the things that I do to impact lives for the better. To spread the Good News farther. To effect. To draw people to Christ, because in the end, He is all that really matters. I want my life to reflect that fact. And is busying myself by doing Bible Club, Compassion events, helping decorate for Vacation Bible School, cooking class at Daycare, and hostessing at the CK really reflecting Christ's love for those around me? Am I really able to be a conduit of His grace and mercy when my mind is occupied with thoughts of painting Western scenes, how to make styrofoam swords for defeating the throes of sin, finding sponsors for 22 needy children across the globe or teaching children how to make chocolate chip cookies? It's 12:30 at night and I can't sleep, probably from drinking coffee at 4:45 pm, but possibly from trying to keep everything straight in my brain. When does a girl possibly have time to keep her house clean, her garden free from weeds, to practice the piano more than twice a week so she doesn't feel like a fool come piano lesson day, work more than three days a week, make sure her family eats supper AND gets time to spend with her, AND read the Bible and pray every day? Thankfully the Lord has given me a little alarm clock named Louis, who scratches at my door at 5:15 every morning and finally I realized it was a call to rise early to read and pray, after it happened consistently for over two weeks. Also thankfully, if I get up that early, spend 30-40 minutes with the Lord, I still have time to go back to sleep before I really need to get up to get ready for work. What does God really want from me? Obedience more than sacrifice... How do I know which is which? What is He calling me to do and what have I just taken on because I wanted to? If I knew how to discern, I could pour myself more fully into what He has truly called me to do.

Okay Lord, what is it YOU would have me to do?

Baby Trees or rather Trees and Babies

I wanna go see the new baby. Please, can we go see the new baby? I want to snuggle him and kiss his smooth baby cheeks. I want to hear him cry his little baby cry. Please??? (Adam says I'm obsessed with the baby and that it's not healthy. I think he's silly. Every woman is obsessed with babies.)

Yesterday we planted our apples trees. Yes, we bought apple trees. And pears trees too. Last Sunday we took a drive to the nursery and we bought an Empire, a Twenty-Ounce and a Honey Crisp apple tree and a Red Anjou Pear and a Bartlett. They are one year trees, so it will take them several years to bear any fruit. Hopefully we will stay in this house long enough to enjoy the fruit of our labor. I plan to espalier our trees, for two reasons. Maybe three. 1.) We have limited yard space. 2.) I would like the trees to actively function as a border/fence on the southern side of our yard. 3.) Just because it is possible and I would like to see if I can do it. I suppose I'll keep you updated. Maybe even with pictures.

Now I am off to make BLT's for supper and hope some more about seeing that new baby. Whose name is Simon Elias. *sigh*

A Goal Update

Now about those goals I had set....

I have gone to the gym twice a week for the past two weeks. (!) And I can run 3 miles in 30 minutes. Yes, you may think that stinks, but when I started I ran 2 miles in 30 minutes. Go me!!

I started reading A Family of Value by John Rosemond. If you have a family you should read it. I like it. A lot. So there. (Thanks for letting me read it Mom.)

I have written at least two blogs a week since I set my goals. (!)

I have learned almost no new Spanish words. But my Mom has lent me some Spanish lessons on cd, which I started listening to in the car. I don't like them yet. But maybe I will learn to. I saw some Mexicans in the laundromat today and thought to myself I should give them some of my Spanish tracts. But that was after I walked past, so I didn't. I would've said, "Yo tengo muchos importante informacion para la vida en JesuCristo. Leer esto, por favor." And then I would hope they wouldn't ask me any questions.

Each week I have taken at least two photos of Josh. My goal was five new photos each week, but this week I have failed that. Two will have to suffice. It is better than none.

So there you go. I think that sums it up. Tomorrow we are visiting the church of some friends of ours. There will be a special speaker speaking on marriage and families. I am excited.

Getting There...

Oh, and so far this week, I have accomplished some of my goal list. I hung a painting (three cheers!) and learned a new Spanish word. Invierno means winter. Last week I only learned three new words. Does that mean I have to learn seven this week to make up for it? Last weeks new words were: amistad/friendship, ejemplo/example, and chicles/gum. I also found that our library has several Spanish children's books and they lable them with a red sticker on the binding, so they are easy to find. So even though I no longer have an instant "Facebook connection" to my Spanish speaking friends, I can still learn new words from the kid's books at the library.

Six Goals to Work Toward

So, I'm working on setting some goals and I hope to encourage you to keep me responsible. I have a small list of weekly/monthly goals to work towards.

• Write two blogs a week. Mom I expect you to keep track of me.
• Exercise twice a week. I delegate Aunt Priscilla to check in with me weekly to make sure I do so. (That's what you get when you suggest a 5K run.)
• Learn five new Spanish words a week. So far I have learned one and I have two days left in this week. "Amistad" means friendship. I have enough Spanish-speaking friends to have them give me words to learn, but I may be somewhat on my own on this.
  
• Read one new book each month. I think I'll start this in March.
• I also want to take at least five photos of Josh each week. I don't think I've taken any decent photos of Josh in weeks.
• Accomplish one task at home each week that generally goes undone for months. Like hanging photos or painting the stairway. Simple enough to do, but for some reason just doesn't happen.

This week the only thing I can check off so far is the "Write two blogs" goal. I can still learn four new words, take five photos and hang a photo. Maybe I can even start that book that has been lying on my bed stand for the past two months. I don't know about exercising though. I need REAL motivation to do that. It will be so much easier when the snow is gone for the season. But until then, I will have to drive to the gym. Yuck.

Thinking About and Reaching Goals

So my goal this year is to have at least 100 posts by the end of the year. So far, I stink at reaching goals. Maybe I could change my life around, eh? Lately I've been doing a lot of thinking. I think about cleaning the house. I think about my flabby thighs. I think about Valentines Day and how it is a stupid holiday. I think about being more creative and energetic. I think about reading my Bible more. I think about learning Spanish. I think about El Salvador. I think about Joshua. I think about the future. I think about life. There's just plum a lot to think about around here!

Sometimes I need a little motivation to do the things that I've always wanted to do. Maybe a friend who is doing the same thing or who will keep on top of you until something is accomplished. So my challenge to you is to challenge me to do things. I feel like a fat, lazy blob (who is also boring) who needs a kick in the butt to actually be the creative person I enjoy being. So, I am bracing myself for that first kick...