Saturday, March 06, 2010

Wanted:

*letting down my guard*

This is a post about friends. I have a hard time making new friends. I am fine at meeting new people and holding civil conversations and even having casual friendships with people. But I have a hard time getting close to people. I realized this past week that all of my close, buddy-type friends are friends that I have known since before I turned 16. These are the select few I will call most often, that I look for to hang out with, and that I can let down my guard with. It's not that I don't want new friends or feel like I could have a connection with someone I may have met more recently. It's just that I don't know how to go from saying hi at church to inviting someone over to have girls' night or out somewhere fun or really having a heart-to-heart talk. Or is this just part of growing up? Is the time of being "bosom-buddies" just part of childhood and when you grow up, you just can't get as close as you could if you were still kids? Is a close relationship only possible with family and childhood friends? Or is this something that I have to work on? Being more open and vulnerable, putting myself out there and getting out of my comfort zone... Because I think I may need some new buddies. Not that I'm getting rid of any old ones, but when your old friends grow up sometimes they move far away or sometimes they are too busy. Sometimes they see things differently and sometimes they have kids that monopolize their time and energy. What is your take on the issue? I know you may not believe this about me, but I think it is true. I build walls, though unintentionally, and I want to know how I can climb over them. Or is it that when you grow up, and you have a new friend, you don't necessarily need to laugh loud and make crazy faces without feeling incredible stupid about it. But that friendship takes on a more civil tone, being older and more sophisticated... ?

4 comments:

Rachel said...

For myself, I treasure those old friendships that I have so many memories with, and I continue to get together with 4 friends from high school. Sometimes some of us meet for lunch somewhere, and sometimes we get together as couples. I also think it's important and necessary to form new relationships. I am very thankful for our small group that we meet with every other Monday night. When we first started getting together with them it was awkward, but we have grown close to them after so much sharing and studying the Bible together. There are about 7 couples and I just love them so much. I think that with different friends we act different ways...maybe we can act goofier around those we've known forever, but more mature around those newer friendships.

Stephanie said...

I wish I could copy and paste this article to my blog.It is so much how I have been feeling lately.It does seem alot harder to hold onto old friendships with our busy lives and making new ones is alot of work.My trouble around here is that most of my new "friends" seem to have enough friends and don't seem to have room for me.Why does this have to be so complicated? Then I have been so hurt by friendships in the past. I really don't feel like I can trust new people with my innermost feelings.
You are one of the friends that I feel like I can say anything to.I hope to hold on to your friendship for many years.

Martha said...

I miss my old friends and don't have many new ones. I am especially thankful for my "family friends" who will be here as long as God leaves them on this earth. And, I love my new blog friends too. They are special in a whole different way.

Priscilla said...

I've been feeling something similar.

However...I know it is possible to build new and deep friendships with adults. As an adult I built an amazing friendship with another woman of God named Amy. We are still close, but unfortunately she has moved to Western Canada. Although she has moved, the experience has shown me that new friendships can happen.