Surrender

So my special diet has been working. It's been three months and I have had two "normal" cycles. There is hope for me yet. During prayer tonight at church, I was really feeling like this is something I just need to surrender to the Lord. I have been thinking about babies a LOT lately, especially since in the past two weeks I have learned of four different women who are expecting. Part of me rejoices for them and part of me says "We have been trying for two years now. I think it's my turn!" It's selfish and impatient of me. I just need to surrender and trust that the Lord knows what He is doing. He doesn't want me to be pregnant when I go to Indonesia or when I got my Hep A shot or when I have to take malaria medicine. That would be bad for a baby. But He has it all in His hands. "Lord help me to surrender to You."

Genesis 30:22

"I don't know how to close my eyes."

Josh had a sleepover last night at Grammy's house. Apparently he had a hard time going to sleep in Uncle Ben's room. "Pssst, I can't sleep Uncle Ben." And then in the morning, he woke up with dry heaves. Do I get a star or something for pawning a sick kid off on my parents' for the night? My Dad had to stay home from church with him this morning. Sorry Dad!

"The Food in Your Belly"

Dinner time this evening:

Josh was full. His plate was full. He was full of it. I "stupidly" let Josh have hot chocolate after we shoveled the driveway this evening. It was after 5 o'clock. Dinner was ready at 6:45. Josh's tummy was not ready for dinner, especially after he and I finished off that last piece of pumpkin pie together. Another "stupid" move. But Josh's eyes were twinkling at me while I shared those few bites of pie with him... I think it was worth it. But back to my story. He was full... Who could blame him really? His belly most likely felt like bursting, because very soon his comment was, "I want to see the food in my belly." Josh grabbed his lower belly roll, right around his belly button, and began tugging. We asked him what he was doing and he said, "I'm trying to see my food!" He complained that his belly was stuck and that it would not open. Adam and I couldn't help but giggle and I asked him what he was going to see in his belly. "My dinner and my lunch and my drink and dessert..." Poor kid, probably just wanted to open his belly and let a little bit out. Somehow our dinner conversation turned to how food really came out and Josh was quite surprised to hear that our food actually came out as poop, after our bodies were done using it. He had this silly grin on his face and was quite adamant that this was NOT true. He looked at me, as if I would confirm his suspicions. I reaffirmed the truth and Josh thought that was the most unusual thing he heard yet... Funny, the things that you and I know and just take for granted, and how those bits of information can really rock a little persons' world. I am left wondering when the subject will come up again. Perhaps tomorrow, after a good meal......

30 Days To Go

City		Current	Wind	Humidity	High	Low
Jakarta		75°F	0 mph	97%	84°F	76°F
Surabaya		78°F	4 mph WSW	86%	84°F	77°F
Medan		81°F	6 mph WSW	74%	90°F	75°F
Bekasi		75°F	0 mph	97%	84°F	76°F
Bandung		68°F	0 mph	96%	79°F	67°F

Oh. My. Word. I just realized that I have less than one month before I leave for Indonesia. My heart just started to beat a little faster. Really, I did "know" that I hit the one month mark yesterday, but I just now started to panic. How will I be ready? What does ready mean? What do I really have left to do? The Lord has totally provided me with someone to stay with in California, as I fly there a day and a half before we leave the country. You have no idea what kind of weight that is off my shoulders. I knew God would provide, but I was still concerned. My Mom's friend Wanda is willing to pick me up at the airport and drop me off before we leave. And she is letting me stay at her house. (And I have never really met her face to face before.) Praise the Lord for a willing heart! I am going to Passport Health on Friday, where I hopefully will not have to have many immunizations. Immunizations give me the "heebie-jeebies". I guess all that I really have left is to gather what I would like to bring my sponsor child, though she's hardly a child anymore. I'm not sure what she likes or what she needs and I suppose I should be praying about what I could bring that would bless her. Oh, and I need to find out what the weather is like in Indonesia this time of year. I guess that would be helpful. There, I just found out. It is humid and in the lower 80's. And raining, just like my dream the other night. But I am sure they don't all speak English like in my dream... Too bad. Ooo, I need to find a good Bahasa Indonesia dictionary. Oh dear... I wish I was more multi-lingual. :( The countdown begins. 30 days to go.

The Country Mouse and The City Mouse

I decided that I could write a book. 25 Ways to Relive Junior High. You know, how to relive those awkward moments, stupid feelings, embarrassing things you said or did... I also decided that I am much to ignorant/innocent/stupid to ever live in the city. And today I took myself right back to the fifth grade, when I spent a few months in the public school system. I won't tell you what I said, because you would think, "Oh that was dumb!" and I already know that. Besides, some of you may be offended by what happened... But we have all done stupid things and been laughed at for it... Let's just suffice it to say, keep your mouth shut at all times. Don't be friendly and don't try to save anyone from any embarrassment. You just might end up embarrassed yourself. *blush*

Keeping it Real

Sometimes we like to put on a facade and parade around as someone else, whether it is "Miss Happy Face" or "Mr. Perfect" or "Mrs. Wonderful Housekeeper". I am here to tell you people that, when it's blog time, I am who I am. And thanks for letting me keep it real here. My faithful blog readers know that I get tired, I get cranky, I get frustrated, and I am wimpy. Okay, maybe you didn't know I was wimpy... I'm not sure about that one anyways... But sometimes, I need to let it out. And to spare Adam an earache, this is often where I go to vent. And I thank you for your encouraging words and even for relating to me. It's good to know that I'm not the only crazy female out there in the world. Oh, and in relation to my last post, I went to church that evening and the Lord had it all planned out... I ended up being reminded time and time again that God is the one who makes us strong and gives us the strength for each day. One song we sang went like this,

"Let the weak say, 'I am strong!' Let the poor say, 'I am rich!' Let the blind say, 'I can see!' It's what the Lord has done in me."

The Lord knows just what we need and somehow He knows how to encourage us and how to put things together like that. Those kinds of things just make me love Him more. :)

And as far as the photo goes, it's another way of "keeping it real". Yes, Josh is wearing moon boots and sweat pants. He's the hippest boy around. And he wore those boots around the house until nap time.

Weakness

I cannot believe it is January 9th already. Nine whole days into the new year. That gives me one month and eight days before I leave for Indonesia. Saying it that way makes me nervous...

Lately, I have been feeling like an inadequate housekeeper and wife. It doesn't matter that those titles do not sum up my life or that I have an out of the home job that takes up four days of my week. But when I cannot live up to those particular two titles, it makes me feel pretty... not worthless... but pretty close. Why do I measure my "worth" by what I can keep up with or by how well I am serving my husband, I don't know... Why do I rejoice when my house has finally been cleaned? Why don't I want to go the extra mile to make him happy? Why do I dream of being a stay-at-home Mom, who is crafty and creative and a good decorator? I want to be a praying wife, a devoted wife, a supporting wife, a wife who will give of my time and who always has clean socks and underwear in his drawers come Monday morning.

I have to remind myself that life is not a dream. It is reality. I will forget to do laundry on occasion. I will run out of milk. I will often wake up tired. The cat will get tapeworms. I will find the tapeworms on Sunday, when the vet's office is closed. The house will be messy. The wood stove will often not cooperate and will fill my house with smoke... when Adam is not home. I will clip Molly's nails too short and she will bleed all over my bedroom carpet. I will be late to work. Dinner will not be ready on time. I will lose my Bible. I will not get my husband a Christmas gift until well into January. I will gain ten extra pounds. I will cry. I will forget. I will take too long. I will make mistakes. I may get lost. I will yell when it is not necessary to do so. I will use improper grammar. I will stutter. And yet...

"And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 2 Corinthians 12:9

This year, may I remember that when I am weak, Christ is strong. When I am unable, He is able. When I cannot walk, Christ will carry me. Lord, may I not seek my own glory, but for You to be glorified. Only then will I truly be satisfied.