Ellie Mae Clampett Rides Again

Well folkes, now here's a good story...

It happened on Monday that a few farmer men came to a restaurant. (Now I'm about to tell you why Ellie Mae Clampett doesn't make a good waitress, so be prepared.) And this was a quaint little restaurant, so these farmer men caused quite a stir. Because, you see, they happened to be driving Jed Clampett's very own vehicular automobile- complete with three old, dirty white vinal seats with the stuffing coming through the worn out sides, a turn crank to start the engine, kerosine headlamps, no roof or sides so Granny and Jethro could fit all their favorite redneckish items in when they go camping and, best of all, an old horn that went "ah-ooo-ga!" Now I'm not sure how they acquired this old beast, but it sure beat all! Maybe Jed sold it to 'em after he moved out West, when he heerd these farmers needed some help haulin in them ripe cherries. Or maybe he used it to cross the Genesee and couldn't get it back to California 'cause it wouldn't pass inspection. I don't know, but any how it was a beaut. So these old farmer men drove up to this little restaurant for lunch... as they usually do, and parked thier little car right in front of the diner. All who went in and out of the place for lunch that day would stop and stare and gawk. Now, Ellie Mae was workin' that day, as a little waitress. There she was rushin' around gettin people there food as quick as she could, trying to keep up with the lunch crowd as it was quite busy. She was getting rather curious why there was a crowd of people gathring round the windows and peered out for herself and took a look. By golly, there was the most perty little car ever! Fit all up with white fluffy seats. Some were saying the seats needed replacing, but Ellie Mae thought they looked just fine. Ooo, her heart started beating, and she just wanted to take that little car for a spin. It was quite a distraction to her while trying to serve food to the hungry townsfolke. But she consentrated the best as she could, and soon the tables began to empty and the restaurant cleared out a bit. The farmers were still there finishing thier noon-time meal, and Ellie Mae's boss comented how she woulda liked to have taken a ride in Jed Clampett's own car. "Oh," whispered Ellie. "So woulda I." Soon the farmers were leaving to go back to work. The boss walked over and asked 'em about taking a ride sometime. Oh sure, they didn't mind. They'd give her a ride right now if she liked. Ellie Mae spoke up and requested that they come back when she was ready to leave, so she could go for a ride as well. Her boss said, "Oh, come on! It'll only be 10 minutes. Everything will be fine. The other waitress'll take care of eveything!" Ellie Mae was so excited! She dropped everything just at the thought of riding in such a perty car. Her heart pounded with joy as she and her boss climbed up and plopped themselves in the middle bench seat. They had to hold on tight, cause there weren't any doors to hold them in if they were to fall. "AH-ooo-ga!" went the horn. And off they went. Ellie Mae quickly forgot any of her waitressing duties as they drove off. Around the corner they went and then onto the highway. "Oh," thought Ellie Mae. "If only my friends, or at least someone I knew, could see me now! What fun I coulda have!" It was a short ride, but long enough for thoroughly enjoying. Soon they were back at the restaurant. Ellie Mae cheerfully walked in ready to go back to work. She peered around the corner. There was a lady sitting at a table. Quickly Ellie went through her memory. That lady was there before... I took her order... she wanted coffee, a salad and a pocket special. She now has coffee and a salad. I got her neither. Oh my goodness. I musta completely forgot 'bout her. The other waitress must've gotten the salad and coffee. She walked quickly up to the lady whe was sipping her coffee. "I see the other waitress got your salad for you?" "Yes," the lady quickly replied. "And she got me my salad, took my order and she'll get the tip too." "Oh, I'm terribly sorry..." Ellie wasn't quite sure what to say. How had she managed to drop the ball and drop it so badly? She mumbled a few words and a dozen apologies, but how could she make up for lack of professionalism? Of consideration? Of anything???

The excitement of her joy ride quickly faded into the past...